5/2

We're hitting the end of the year, it's time for me to recap on some of the fun, yet bad moments.
Oh boy, my most memorable mistake was ending up with this fraternity guy who I literally despise but still always find him attracted in so many ways.
Basically, if we have the same music taste, I love you. It's funny how things like that are. I mean, you could treat me like utter complete shit and I could hate you on so many levels but you say you like hardcore and you're hipster, I'm yours.
Well on the bright side he is a junior so next year will be his last year. Then again he is supposed to gone on an internship and he still shows up every damn weekend.
He thinks I want a relationship so that's fun. Why do guys think that every girl they're with want to be in a relationship? I mean come on! He isn't that special.

5/1

Looking back on this year, since it's crazy to realize that it's just about over, it's weird to think that it is...
I came to college having no idea what is going to happen, I had this idea of who I would be at the end of the year and I am no where near to who I thought I would be.
I've made mistakes, I've made amazing friends, I've done pretty well in classes.
I had so many expectations to how I thought I would be...
When looking back, I keep thinking am I happy with who I became? That young newly graduated high school student was no where near to who I am now.
The stuff I wish I could tell her, she would have no idea how to respond.

4/30

Sexualizing people due to their sexuality is also problematic. The way our society works is that it either villainizes, or it sexualizes oppressed groups. WOC are oversexualized in the media we consume, and MOC are villainized. You can see it in our fandom too. You got every vanilla flavored villain on screen, and it’s still Scott and Deaton that get the most meta proclaiming how sketchy and vicious they are. The same thing works for sexual orientations. Bisexuals are villainized because they’re homewreckers and can’t make up their minds, while homosexual men and women are oversexualized.

By villainizing and sexualizing people, you fail to view them as a complete being. That’s how propaganda works. Women have been dealing with it for centuries, but it goes deeper than some white woman being pissed that a man doesn’t take her thoughts seriously. When I talk about my issue with slash fandom and their sexualization of homosexual men, I talk about my issue with sexualization. It doesn’t have to effect me specifically. If the issue exists, it is everyone’s issue. If you’re only bothered by things that specifically effect you, congratulations, you’re a white feminist.

4/29

I think there’s a vast world of complexity at the core of a lot of our problems, and the issues we deal with when we butt heads with literal strangers to us on the internet. Every person we interact with is at a different stage in their life, and they possess a different set of intelligence than us.

In a perfect world, that’d give us the motive to learn from other people without having to experience those things first hand, some of those things being impossible for us to experience first hand, due to certain attributes we are either born with or born with out.

The general rule on tumblr is that it’s okay to like problematic things, so long as you can stand back and acknowledge that there are problematic aspects in the things you like, regardless of the good shit in it too. It’s the blatant ignorance of the problematic aspects, to the point where you get offended when other people point them out, that causes the issues. Due to the way our society is designed, nearly every thing you like will have problematic aspects to them. Without the toxic history of our world, a lot of the problematic aspects in things wouldn’t exist, but we do have a toxic history, so those aspects do remain problematic.

4/28

It's funny how capital punishment is still such a debatable topic. There are so many arguments as to why it should be legal and why it shouldn't. If you add religion into the discussion you can argue that it is against the Bible that we can't take a life. You can argue that it's the only way to stop killers from killing again. Money is always an issue for tax payers and there are so many reasons to add to it. It's funny how things are though. Why let a convicted serial killer or child molester roam the streets? I mean when they serve parole, they really aren't promised to be kept there forever, good behavior man, it's a bitch. Let's just slice their neck open and pour the blood on a sorority's anchor.

Thank goodness no one actually reads this. Shit could go down if they do.

4/25

If you don’t feel some sort of admiration for Beyoncé, then there is something you are missing. I know, I know I’m joining in with a crowd of people chanting Beyoncé’s name now but this is different. I went to see her live in October, I wasn’t the biggest fan of her music I liked it, but never loved it. I knew that she would perform to the upmost standard but what struck me more than anything is how passionate she was about her music and women power. She is queen and she deserves to be called queen.

4/24

We cannot have a relationship which last long if we cannot handle others. We cannot be into a commitment if what we only think of is ourselves. We cannot be in a relationship full of immature acts. We should take relationships seriously. We should not take it as a joke. Relationships include stupidity, pain, happiness, hurt, anger and love. It affects our personality. It affects our lives. So if you are not mature enough to build a strong relationship, better not to enter one of it. We cannot always please our partner to have patience, we cannot always be the “boss” in a relationship. If we/you are in a relationship, we should not be self-centered, we should forget our own ego, we should forget our pride. Because if we let our pride take over our mind, we will not go beyond what we have today. Or we cannot have a relationship that is worthy.

4/23

Hi, I know I am not a perfect best friend for you. I don’t always treat you lunch, nor I am not the “easy-go-lucky” type. I am not always good-looking. I am just a girl who always have messy hair, not-so-good ambiance, or I am not physically attractive. Like what we always see in movies, I am the weird one and you’re the pretty and hot one. You’re the one who always have boys at your back. And I am just someone who look like your nanny. But you know what? I thank you so much for being there for me every time. I thank you for being the one who always offers their shoulder for me to cry on. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to have a friend like you. Thank you for being my best friend. My bests of all friends.

4/22

Everytime I find the perfect man, no one can compare to him. I need to stop trying, he isn't perfect. No guy is.

Dear Me,

Stop waiting for the perfect boy. Stop waiting for your dream guy. He will not come, he is not here either. There’s no such thing as fairy tale and happy endings. There’s no such thing as once upon a time and prince charming. Your life isn’t a book or a novel which give us fantasies. Your life isn’t a 80s movie which drift us away from reality. If you push him away, he’ll not come back. Stop expecting that you’ll be treated as a princess. Stop expecting that your life will be full of happy moments and good ending. Be realistic. Stop assuming and expecting.

4/19

I care about everything. I care about how you feel, and what you hate. I may not show it, but when you’re hurting, I’m hurting. I get so upset when I think that I could have caused you any grief. I’m so proud of you. For everything. I’m Sorry that I’m irrational, exasperating, and completely out of my mind sometimes. I apologize. I want you to know that I need you, yet I find myself trying so hard to make you see how amazing you are, how you could do so much better than me, you deserve someone more whole than me, yet you stay…and that means more than you could ever know. Could it really be love?

4/18

I’m laying here thinking, hoping really, that I am enough. I hope I’m enough for you, because I’ve fallen deeper in love than I thought I ever could. I’ve realized that love isn't fairy tales and flowers; it’s snorting with laughter and hiccuping with tears. Love is funny like that. Sometimes, I’m completely frustrated with your lack of words, but then I look at you with your sleepy eyes like tonight, protesting the moment that I had to leave, and I feel it. That feeling that I get every time I get a chance to look at you, really look at you with your golden eyelashes, it’s a mixture of joy and curiosity. I’m happy that I can call you mine, but curious as to whether you feel the same, because love is wondering what’s going on in your head, but really never finding out. It’s tight hugs when I feel like I’ve been beaten beyond repair. It’s maybe doing something just to make the other person happy, or being able to rant. Rant about nothing, everything, cheese Danishes, who cares?! I care. 

4/17

My brother and I, though two opposite sexes and body shapes, look scarily alike. If I were a boy I’m pretty sure I would just be a skinnier version of the goofy big brother I adore so much. Not every sibling duo is like this but I personally know many that are. Maybe I have a keen eye for catching subtle differences or maybe animators really were being lazy! I’m just super tired of everyone bashing this movie because it was splendid and made me feel like having depression and anxiety is not something that should control me.

There is so much good to this movie that I despise that people are getting hooked to all the bad.

4/16

I thought this was a fantastic female morale boosting movie that had all sorts of lovely elements from previous Disney films mashed into one. But many people don’t care and all just want to complain about the character designs. PS. Elsa and Anna are NOT exactly the same.

Besides the differing hair color, eye color, dress, and hairstyles, these girls have unique faces that at first glance do seem frighteningly similar. But look closer. Our cute little Anna has a darker complexion, freckles, and what’s this? A chubbier face, longer chin, rounder, perkier nose, higher and thicker brows, different eye shape, and different lip location than her sister. Anna’s face is generally more baby shaped than her sister’s who is, by the way, only three years older! Yes, I am disappointed one of these ladies didn’t get their father’s fabulous nose, but they do have individual characteristics. Remember Elsa and Anna are sister’s only three years apart. Tops.

4/15

But you know what, even though you hurt me. Even though you don’t appreciate me or maybe you don’t know me anymore, I still miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss how you call me our endearments sweetly, I miss your sweet messages, your being over-protective, your kisses, I miss everything about us. I hope and pray we’ll still be together, forever.
It's time to walk away and find someone better. One day I'll be able to remember everything and not be hurt by it, but until then I'll just have to live in my imaginary world and attempt to fall in love with someone else.

4/14

I’m afraid of everything now. We’ve gone to the point where the two of us is starting to fall out of love. I’m afraid we’ll soon part ways, I’m afraid you’ll leave me. I know I’m being too selfish if I say I’m hurt because I know I am not the only one hurt. I hope this pain will give us the chance to realize what we’ve been through, what we promised each other.

We changed for change is an inevitable thing. We do not send each other long and sweet messages anymore. We do not do late night conversations. We don’t usually talk ‘bout things. We aren’t sweet anymore. The two of us transformed from being the sweetest couple everyone will be envious of, to a relationship everyone is afraid to have. 

My morning

Today was lovely. I went to the arb with my friend and his dog and we sat there for an hour. I wanted to stay longer but it was beginning to get really cold. A couple of things happened. I saw the beautiful scenery, although it's a tad dry. But it still made me really happy. And there was this guy who passed me. He was running but when he saw me he stopped and said : “hi don’t you think it’s a bit cold to just sit there?”
I replied: ” no i like it”
Him: ok.
And there was a cat who was looking at my dog and I don’t know but my dog got kind of scared so I tried to scare the cat away but it didn't work. So I tried again and the cat ran away. I felt so mean because I really love cats. But besides that, i had a nice day.

My generation

I can’t wait until our generation has grown up and knows to never question teenagers about college or plans for the future.
I look at my generation and sometimes things the world is fucked. But then I realize that we're going into this world with many of the same perspectives. We'll hope to not treat our children like we were.
I'll let my child take as long as they want to figure out they're life. We have all of the time in the world, why rush? 
We're only here for a short time, I don't see a reason why we should all hate the present and stress about the future and dwell on the past.
I'm 19 years old and don't even know what I want to do, yeah I have dreams but so does everybody.

Trust

I’m absolutely terrified of letting people in. I’m absolutely terrified of being vulnerable to someone. Giving someone the ability to make you the happiest and the most miserable is a scary thought. They don’t understand how “trusting” someone is more than just a word for me. You’re giving someone the power to make you feel absolutely empty and worthless, and that truly scares me the most.
There's times in my day where I want to tell people in my house the issues I faced, the ones where I put in the back of my head locked up in a safe.
But then I worry that they will judge or who knows, you feel so empty when that happens. I will forever be worried of who I tell my secrets to.

Love

When you know you are absolutely perfect for someone and you over hear them saying the things they want in a girl and you fit every thing they say. 
But they don’t know you. They will never know how well you could work and so you sit there and watch them fall in love and fall apart over and over again knowing that you are they only one who can fit.
Or once you get to know that person and you know in your heart that you two could last forever but they only tell you that when they're drunk. They focus too much on what they are already into and won't see other possibilities because they can't hurt someone. 
Love is such a horrible and lovely thing. 
One day I'll find my true love who sees me just how I see them.
One day.

Books

My 3rd grade teacher once told me to read the books that are the the most damaged on the outside because you can tell by the damage its been read by a lot of people, and there’s usually a great story on the inside. 
This advice hasn't failed me yet.
Especially when researching. I definitely enjoy picking up the oldest book on the subject, it may be out of date but when comparing an old and new, it brings smiles to my face.
When picking up the oldest book on Theodore Roosevelt in the University's library, I glanced at the last time it was checked out. The poor guy hasn't been checked out in over 30 years, he's been forgotten.
It's interesting because when I see this happen, I get the urge to check the book out, whether I want to read it or not, I just don't like seeing them be forgotten.
Books are definitely people, we all need some lovin' every once in a while.