Looking at the bright side

Lately I've been trying to look at the bright side of life. I used to live such a depressed and negative lifestyle that it really affected me. I started getting depressed just last week and told myself that I couldn't let myself be like that again, I am two years cleans, I won't go down that road again. So I just decided to change my way of thinking, positive moods only, I think I'm doing so much better. Although everyone around me thinks I'm being cheesy and dumb, I at least look at my wrists and know that I don't care how cheesy I am, I'm happy and I'm going to stay this way damn it. It's crazy looking back at where I used to be, looking at how depressed and suicidal I was, never thinking I would have made it this far. I'm so happy that I've done it. I'm so happy that I made it this far and am capable of changing my ways. I'm proud of myself.

Health!

I've decided to live a new lifestyle, working out. I used to do it all of the time, not really to lose weight but to just feel better about myself and I am loving it! I've only started doing it this week but I'm already feeling so much better. I love the intensity and although it's gross but I do love sweating. I'm laughing because I'm already sore but oh well. That means it's working! I decided what helps is working out while watching Doctor Who since i get so distracted and do well at keeping up my pace. I love it. I look like a ratchet but oh well, at least I'm working out!

Blackfish

Sunday morning, I decided before I started my day maybe I should watch a documentary, like why not? I decided to watch Blackfish, a documentary about orca whales and the trainers in SeaWorld. I remember when I was six-years old, I went to San Antonio with my family and went to see this theme park filled with majestic, wild sea creatures that I have never seen before. I was blown by the sea lions and their amazing skills at balancing a ball on their nose, the way the dolphins felt and the largeness of the orca whales. We went on a tour and I remembered getting told that they lived to about 35 years in captivity, supposedly longer than in the wild and their flopped over fins was how it was supposed to be. Which is absolute bull shit. According to the documentary and research, orcas can live up to one-hundred years old in the wild with their back fin straight up and pointy. How could a company treat these animals like that? Then hide it from the trainers and the public. With over seventy injuries to the trainers and about well over ten deaths... It's so unbelievable. How would we like it if we were in a bathtub for twenty years? Forced to entertain and be away from our families...

Decisions

It's interesting how even the smallest decision you make can impact everything in your life. You think, oh maybe I'll walk this way to class instead of the usual or eat this carrot instead of a jolly rancher. They are such little things but maybe I could meet the love of my life by going somewhere else and maybe I can start losing weight. It's so weird. I used to think changing my major would play a larger impact in my life but really it's all the same. I'm starting to feel so careful about the decisions I make in life. I used to be so much more laid back and just let life take me on it's magical carpet ride, now I'm so nervous about what I say and what I do. I miss my old attitude. But making some of the decisions that I made ruined my chance with an amazing person. I hate how that plays such a large impact but I can't just be okay with everything I do anymore, I need to be careful. I have to.

History 102

History, the subject I love so much, after all, I am a history major. I'm supposed to enjoy going to this course, enjoy what I learn. But no, I literally despise it. This course is so ridiculous, I'm wasting my money. I haven't learned anything, literally on Friday all I did was learn how to cite, this is fucking history not English. I am so pissed. We're supposed to write a movie review on a movie that we watched in class. But the problem is that he couldn't even figure out how to plug in the sound so we had to watch it without even hearing it. Therefore we were already getting lost on what was going on. It was ridiculous, so a lot of us just got up and left. I wasn't going to waste my time on a movie that I can't even hear. We haven't learned anything on the movie and the historical event. It is so fucking stupid. I wanted to drop it but I need the credits.

Never alone

I always thought living with three other people would be a horrific thing. Being so close to these people, not having space. Oh boy, was I wrong. I moved in with this crazy and messy girl, my Big who is just as messy as the other and this random girl who I never met and was just accepted into our house. I am so happy to live with my Big, we're so much closer than before and she is such an amazing and intelligent woman. The crazy lady is fantastic, I can never be bored with her little-too-touchy attitude with an amazing spunk and pizzazz. Then the random girl, she ended up being one of my best friends who we hang out together all of the time and she's so much fun. Roommates, heaven or hell? I guess I was I lucky, but oh so happy :)

Successful!

Success. A word that I have forgotten what it feels like to be successful. I forgot what it took to succeed and oh how I forgot what it feels like. I applied for three positions in my house, not sure how it would play out but I knew I was active and I knew I had what it took to handle the responsibilities. Because of my amazing roommates and fellow sisters, I decided to apply for all three and stick with a positive attitude. End up finding out that I received all three and even received the "On the ball" award for pushing myself further than any of the other girls that applied for the positions. Oh boy, this feeling is great. I have great plans and I can't wait to do an amazing job on all three. I got this.

One mistake, two mistakes, oh boy another.

Learning from my mistakes has definitely been a thing I've been doing lately. My first quarter was interesting, since I was on the struggle bus with figuring out the life triangle. Some of my mistakes have been catching up to me, while others I can simply ignore. I'm the type of person that usually doesn't let things bother me, but when I hurt people on accident, I struggle. I try to  do everything I can to fix things but sometimes you just can't. Sometimes you have to learn from it and move on, it may be hard and unfortunately that person may never forgive you, but just keep your head up, know in your heart that you're sorry and move on. It'll be hard but I know I can do it, I know I'm sorry and maybe one day I'll be able to apologize but until then, just keep my head up and be me.

Whattan' experience

College has definitely been filled with some interesting things. Sometimes it's hard to find the balance between school, my sorority and my social life. I've learned the hard way of balancing, from going to class so hungover that I might has well be still drunk to deciding not to even go to class. But from last semester, I've learned what to prioritize and what to forget. I feel pretty proud of myself as I figured things out. I no longer go out on the week days and keep the drinking on the weekends to a minimum. Staying in, it's my new way of living.

Southern Belles and Drug Cartels

Syllabus week, a week filled with pointless assignments and alcohol everywhere on Greek row. Sadly it was only three days, but my liver thanks whoever decided that. A group of girls in my house and I decided to go to Beta's Southern Belles and Drug Carters, just because it rhymes doesn't mean it works. Anyways, we took the Southern Belles part as a classy motherfucker. We dressed fancy and dang we looked fantastic. We got to Beta, after pregaming, and I was having the time of my life. Well I was the only drunk one but hey, it worked. I was socializing and drinking and dancing, in high wedges may I add, and it was fun! Well later I was like I'm going to talk to this kid who's handing out free beer, we easily became friends, so I thought, I guess I pretty much only said hi, oh well, we made it and it was fun. Then he told me I was a good kisser, so hey, look at me and my awesomeness at kissing. Well needless to say I let that get to my head and made out with apparently seven guys. I had fun and met some nice fellas. It worked. Horrible hangover the next day, but hey, it was a good time.